As you see in this hilarious sketch from
In fact, many arguments start when one person does not feel heard and/or understood by the other person such as this interview-turned-contentious-conversation between fighter Floyd Mayweather and interviewer Brian Kenny. 
Then we talk at cross-purposes or on different topics, attempting to get the other person to talk about what’s really important – to us.
Hint: Especially when things turned heated with someone first prove to that person that you heard what he said.
Then, without appearing condescending, probe for the underlying concern.
Why is that helpful? Because problems seldom exist at the level at which they are expressed.
Until you understand their main concern you will not know the best way toaddress it.
By probing, you show interest in their views. You increase the chances that he will be open to hearing your response.
But not always.
Two other things struck me again from watching the python sketches - is the high level of civility – even during an argument and the colorful yet not profane use of language.
BTW, to celebrate Conflict Resolution Day on October 15th why not start thinking of a critic or adversary. What is the main thing you genuinely respect about that person on who is difficult for you? Send that individual a postcard, writing vividly and specifically about that quality. Who knows? you might get on a roll and write four such postcards. See links http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2009/10/tip-from-monty-pythons-argument-clinic.html
• Voted one of Top 5 speakers on Communication: http://speaking.com/top5/ • See how much others have accomplished in consulting with Kare http://www.sayitbetter.com/coaching.php - or bring her to speak http://www.sayitbetter.com/meeting_planners.php
http://twitter.com/KareAnderson + http://howwepartner.com/
• Two of her blogs are featured on http://collaboration.alltop.com/ and another, Say it Better, on http://lifehacks.alltop.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment