Seven Strong Clues That Someone is Lying

Like other public figures before him, Roger Clemens could not cover up his lying - if you knew how to recognize the clues.

Based on the trailblazing research on facial expressions conducted years ago by Paul Ekman, Dacher Keltner described the signs he saw when he watched Clemens tell Congress in February of 2008, that he did not use performance-enhancing drugs.

Keltner saw these clues when Clemens testified:

• Jiggling the legs.

• Touching the face.

• Speech hesitations.

• Stammering or repeating words.

• Nervously biting or licking the lip.

• Sudden rises in the pitch of their voice.

• Subtle facial expressions of negative emotion.

See, by comparison, what a universal and thus genuine display of contrition looks likewhen Andy Pettitte apologizes for using human growth hormone to recover from an elbow injury:

• Dropping his head down.

• Averting gaze, thus avoiding making eye contact with others.

• Muscle movements around the mouth display embarrassment and shame: “The mentalis muscle is moving his chin up and tightening his lip corners, and as a result, a crest is forming around the corners of his lips.”

To detect lying earlier find one tip at Six Off-Beat Ways to Get Along Better and to recognize a genuine smile read Told You Look Tired - But You Aren't?

See links here http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/change_minds/

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Feel you flubbed the last speech you gave?

You’ll feel much better after watching Phil Davison’semotional appeal for support.

His talk demonstrates that recommending the use of emotion is not sufficiently specific advice for a speaker. Also, having apparently apt credentials like a Masters in Communication, does not necessarily mean one has mastered the skill.

In the apparent absence of their use Davison demonstrates the vital need in preparing for a speech to:

1. Discern, ahead of time, what most matters to your audience.


1. Craft an outline for your talk with a main point, no more than three supportive points, segues between them – each supported by a few relevant and vivid facts or examples - and “bookending” the beginning and ending of your talk with the same point and a call for action.


1. Praise the audience and/or individuals in it for specific, positive actions or beliefs that reinforce the stands you are advocating.


1. Ensure that your metaphors and figures of speech are congruent and make sense.


1. Practice in front of one or more people who are familiar with your audience and who will give you intelligent, candid feedback

At least Davison probably made Jan Brewer feel better.




Here's two speaker friends who continue to provide valuable insights about how to connect with your audience, move them to act and make a positive difference in the world: Bert Decker and Nick Morgan. See links here http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2010/09/feel-you-flubbed-the-last-speech-you-gave.html

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What Parts of a Face Most Influence First Impressions?

What make us wary or trusting within seconds of seeing a stranger? Surprisingly few factors according to a recent study by two Princeton psychology researchers. We are most likely to trust someone who has, “a U-shaped mouth and eyes that form an almost surprised look.” At the other extreme are faces that seem angry. In those faces, “the edges of the mouth curl down and the eyebrows point down at the center.

For a computer-generated range of what looks trustworthy, see this video scale.

Also, upon first meeting someone, almost instantly we decide whether someone is dominant or weak. A face that resembles a baby's is judged as the least dominant. It has a larger distance between the eyes and between the eyebrows than other faces. Dominant appearing faces tended to have, “a squared, broad chin.”

Here’s the dominance scale.

Now, using a computer to combine features, the scientists created a threatening face out of the features of an untrustworthy and a dominant face.

From earlier research we know that:

• More than most images, faces stick in our minds.

• Anywhere in the world, people are most attracted to faces that are symmetrical.

When feeling these gut reactions, it is often difficult for me to remember that, as Alex Todorov notes, "The link between facial features and character may betenuous at best, but that doesn't stop our minds from sizing other people up at a glance.” Yet it must be comforting for Todorov to know he has a face that engenders trust.

Visit here to make a face that’s attractive to you. See links here http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2008/08/what-make-us-wa.html

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How to Improve Your LikeAbility

Your attentive glance, warm nod and quick smile. How much do such behaviors affect others? Enough to surprise researchers. When students in a study watch even brief (two, five or ten second) glimpses of strangers expressing these positive actions on soundless video clips, they are deeply influenced.

"While students see just a flash of a teacher their first feeling highly correlates to their end-of-semester rating of that teacher" says Harvard Nalini Ambady. Along with study co-author Robert Rosenthal, they started by showing students 10-second clips. Then "thin-sliced it down" to five- and then two-second clips, having participants rate them on the 15 characteristics including how empathic, accepting, professional,optimistic, or supportive the teacher seemed.

No matter how thinly Ambady sliced the behavior, the more positive and likable the teaching assistants, the higher their evaluations.

Concluded Ambady, "One would think that teacher smarts, preparation and organization should count - and I'm sure it does to some extent but behavior, charisma, and the factors that go into holding an audience count more.”

And how do surgeons’ behavior towards patients affect the number of malpractice suits they get? Ambady found similar results. Key was voice tone. When she tracked just that trait, "We were really amazed. With just 20 seconds of each doctor's voice, you could predict malpractice claims. For instance, surgeons who sounded more unfeeling or dominant were more likely to have been sued in the past.”

It's never too early to start practicing as the warm teacher to my left demonstrates. With those two studies in mind I’m going to practice being more warm and interested – especially when around someone who rubs me the wrong way. (That will take practice!)

See links here http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better/2009/03/how-to-improve-your-likeability.html

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Say it So You Lift Your Spirits

Even non-Scandinavians feel their mood dampen with thelonger nights as we head into winter. Luckily there are some easy ways to lift your spirits. Here are three:

1. When describing something that just happened or in yourpast, notice if it is anchored by a positive or a negative incident. Those who are most resilient, energetic, caring and involved with others tend to link their stories to redemptive themes.

Those who are plagued by down moods often mark their stories with what went wrong and don’t include a redeeming detail.  These narrative themes affect ourchoices –what we think we have to choose from – and how others see us.

2. We each have many personalities inside us. Some situations enable us to use our best talents and display our best side. Instead of attempting to be a “virtuoso juggler” as many women do, discover the specific situations where you thrive. When you can identify those moments you are better able, like a defensive driver, to see potential danger farther ahead where situations or individuals spark your discomfort or worse.

Conversely, knowing where you shine (temperament and talent) means you can make smarter choices about how you work and live – and with whom.  While Marcus Buckingham’s book is intended for women I know three male friends who have found it helpful in how they seek the situations that best serve them, professionally, personally and socially.

3.We each have a set point along the continuum of pessimistic to optimistic. After winning the lottery or experiencing the death of a loved one, we eventually return to that set point.

Since those who are on the positive end of that range are more likely to thrive, have friends and advance in their work, you might want to practice specific ways of “acting as if” you are more optimistic that are described in Learned Optimismand Authentic Happiness. 

Those who instinctively react more negatively or helplessly to difficult situations tend to experience it as the “three Ps”: Personal (most of all it happened to me) Pervasive (now everything feels worse in my life), and Permanent (it will always be this bad).

One caveat that makes it worth having friends at the other end of the spectrum: Optimists tend to be overly rosy about a situation, leaping into opportunities that, in fact, aren't while pessimists are more realistic – seeing what is.

Together they are more likely to see potential problems and to find solutions. They are also more likely to squabble because the other person doesn’t act right – like them.

So it helps to laugh when you recognize when it that is starting to happen.

Hint: Perspective is potent -  “Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.”  ~Unknown

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Say it So You Lift Your Spirits

Even non-Scandinavians feel their mood dampen with the longer nights as we head into winter. Luckily there are some easy ways to lift your spirits. Here are three:

1. When describing something that just happened or in yourpast, notice if it is anchored by a positive or a negative incident. Those who are most resilient, energetic, caring and involved with others tend to link their stories to redemptive themes.

Those who are plagued by down moods often mark their stories with what went wrong and don’t include a redeeming detail.  These narrative themes affect ourchoices –what we think we have to choose from – and how others see us.

 2. We each have many personalities inside us. Some situations enable us to use our best talents and display  our best side. Instead of attempting to be a “virtuoso juggler” as many women do, discover the specific situations where you thrive. When you can identify those moments you are better able, like a defensive driver, to see potential danger farther ahead where situations or individuals spark your discomfort or worse.

Conversely, knowing where you shine (temperament and talent) means you can make smarter choices about how you work and live – and with whom.  While Marcus Buckingham’s book is intended for women I know three male friends who have found it helpful in how they seek the situations that best serve them, professionally, personally and socially.

3.We each have a set point along the continuum of pessimistic to optimistic. After winning the lottery or experiencing the death of a loved one, we eventually return to that set point.

Since those who are on the positive end of that range are more likely to thrive, have friends and advance in their work, you might want to practice specific ways of “acting as if” you are more optimistic that are described in Learned Optimismand Authentic Happiness. 

Those who instinctively react more negatively or helplessly to difficult situations tend to experience it as the “three Ps”: Personal (most of all it happened to me) Pervasive (now everything feels worse in my life), and Permanent (it will always be this bad).

One caveat that makes it worth having friends at the other end of the spectrum: Optimists tend to be overly rosy about a situation, leaping into opportunities that, in fact, aren't while pessimists are more realistic – seeing what is. 

Together they are more likely to see potential problems and to find solutions. They are also more likely to squabble because the other person doesn’t act right – like them.

So it helps to laugh when you recognize when it that is starting to happen.

Hint: Perspective is potent -  “Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.”  ~Unknown

Kare Anderson

http://www.sayitbetter.com

http://www.movingfrommetowe.com

http://sayitbetter.typepad.com/say_it_better

http://www.linkedin/in/sayitbetter

Accomplishing greater things

with others

than one can alone

Kare speaks, writes and consults on quotability and collaboration – vital traits in this increasingly bottom-up, complex, connected world. See how much others accomplished in just an hour of phone coaching with Kare http://www.sayitbetter.com/coaching.php - or bring her to speak http://www.sayitbetter.com/meeting_planners.php  This Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter was the Obama campaign’s Issues Team Director and is the author of Walk Your Talk and Resolving Conflict Sooner. Voted one of Top 5 speakers on Communication: http://speaking.com/top5/ Two of her blogs are featured on http://collaboration.alltop.com/ http://twitter.com/KareAnderson

Posted via email from Kare Anderson on Coummunicating to Connect

SmartPartnering is More Credible Than Advertising and Costs Less

Here are two quick snapshots to whet your appetite for profitable partnering. Notice how all partners benefit by showing off their best work – with each other.

1. A newspaper carries a column, “Stay Well” co-written by you, a doctor, a fitness expert and a nutritionist, offering advice, upcoming events and Q & A from readers.

Co-columnists pair up to share a local, weekend, call-in radio show with guest experts on ways to stay well.

A local community college communications professor assigns a class project of producing a video featuring tips from these columnists. The students get experience and something to add to their portfolio when looking for work.

The video is displayed on YouTube, on partners’ web sites and in their offices, carried on local cable TV, and offered as a free rental to video outlets.

2. What happens when dentists, pediatricians, principals, city health directors, newspaper editors and managers of stores offering toys, children’s clothing and video rentals join forces to attract and serve their clients – families with young children?

Together, they do what they could not accomplish on their own. They offer a highly valued, emotionally-loaded, and media attracting service AND increase foot traffic to their sites: “I Got Shot and Survived” free immunizations for kids on Saturdays, before school starts.

Immunizations are offered at family-convenient times in a roomy, cheerful children’s store with a party atmosphere where the kids are the center of attention. Parents hear about the offer through the partners - people, organizations and places

After kids receive their shots, their accompanying parents receive coupons for free snacks and music instrument demonstrations that can beredeemed at the outlets.

The results? Partners provide better, more news-catching service at less cost and inspired greater community and patient loyalty- while spending less.

Partners create “passion bond” relationships with each other, their clients and others who don’t need shots but are inspired by the even to try one or more partner’s services.

Tips:

• SmartPartnering offers enable you to reach more people, with a more enticing offer than you could provide on your own.

• The more and more reputable partners you have the higher your visibility and credibility and the lower your costs.

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Steps to Forging a Profitable Smart Partnership

To fully enjoy the power of profitably partnering  get specific about the market you serve – both as their habits directly related to your kind of work and also their traits that are not related to your work.

In so doing, you’ll discover you have two kinds of profitable partners to approach.

1. What Do Many of Your Patients Have in Common?

List at least 10 things many of your prospective patients have in common, using the checklist below for ideas.

Make two lists:

1. Characteristics many prospects have that are related to dental needs.

2. Characteristics many prospects have, unrelated to dental needs.

• Rewarded for what kind of behavior?

• How, where and on what do they spend their time and money?

• Their passions and pursuits

• How they entertain themselves

• Their concerns, fears, complaints and other “hot buttons”

• Significant events for them

• Their heroes and heroines

• Who irritates or angers them?

• Main allies and friends

• Other organizations to which they belong and/or contribute, or that their friends or people they admire do

• Their small indulgences and major extravagances

• How they spend time with friends, and other free time

• What they value (for themselves, their family, friends and colleagues) in personal growth, work-related learning and bragging rights

Tip:

Ask your patients (or clients) “What are two or three other professionals or businesses you trust and use?” Soon you may see that some names keep popping up. They are your prime prospects for valuable partners.

2. Narrow Your Market to Increase Your ProfitsDescribe one of your best niche markets. It may be, for example, 30ish working couples probably because someone starting referring their friends and/or you are located near where many of them live or work.

Describe one niche within that niche: Are many of them also members of another organization such as a fitness center?

I have an Irish-American dental client who thrives by adapting his practice and recruiting partners who collectively serve the lifestyle, needs and interests of the Korean American Baptist community in his area.

That’s a close-knit niche within-a-niche so word travels fast amongst them when they feel understood and well-served. Now the partners are learning how to serve parents of young infants in that market – an investment in the partners’ future with this niche-within-a-niche-with-a-niche.

Main differentiating benefit (MDB) of your dental business in that niche-within-niche market (most frequent reason that they use your services):

Why are they most likely to see you?

When?

What else are they likely to need, either from you or someone else?

Two other significant benefits you provide these patients:

1.

2.

Main reasons they do not use your services at all:

1.

2.

What they often do instead of using your services:

1.

2.

How are their main needs met for you kind of dental services?

Met - Met well

Unmet - Not met well

Target this niche-within-a-niche for your most efficient SmartPartnerships.

3. Resources You and Partners Can Contribute to a SmartPartnership

Here are some to prime the pump of your thinking:

• Special expertise.

• Well-known in a niche market.

• Have a base of clients in a different niche than you.

• Located near your office, so your face-to-face collaboration is easier and clients can go easily to both of your offices.

Your Checklist

• What’s your first partnership?

• What is your niche-within-a-niche?

• What partners will your recruit?

• What is your goal in partnering?

• What resource(s) will you provide?

4. Steps to Recruit Your First Partner

a) Ask to meet with the prospective partner to confirm you have some of the same kinds of patients/clients.

b) Tell them that you’d like to explain how the right kind of partnerships could enable you both to attract and keep more patients – while spending less.

c) Ask if they would like to hear one or two specific partnering methods and how all partners could benefit from them.

d) Suggest more of the leveraging benefits of joint efforts over “solo” advertising or promotion.

e) Don’t propose too many details to leave room for all partners to “buy in” and participate in the actual creation of the first action.

f)) Reiterate your strong interest in working with them and refer again to the “best case” success scenario.

g) If they agree to partner, explore the value and downside of involving more partners.

h) Write a simple agreement to review together to be sure you are on the same page about the goal of the partnering method you selected, what who will do when and how for what benefits.

5. How to Choose a Method

Will the partnership serve your patients by:

• Saving time?

• Saving money?

• Giving more value for the same price?

• Representing a new opportunity for them?

• Making something easier to use or do?

• Improving their ability to use your services?

• Increasing the number of ways they can use your service?

• Making it more convenient to buy or use your products or services?

• Responding to a current, pressing interest?

• Making life more interesting or fun?

• Helping them feel better about themselves?

• Making them look good in front of others?

• Supporting them with their family, friends, clients or work colleagues?

Tip:

A successful SmartPartnership makes the patient’s life better – as he sees it.

Five “W’s” of a Successful SmartPartnership

1. WHO are your patients?

2. WHAT is your specific offer?

3. WHEN will you take those actions?

4. WHERE are the places you can reach your kind of patients?

5. WHY would they come to your office when they see or hear about you at another place?

Tip:

Gain an introduction to your partner’s clients by providing your partner with a gift offer that will entice them to try your services and products. Reciprocate by extending an offer of your partner’s service or product to them.

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Create Your Instant News Daily Around Your Top Interest

What if you could effortlessly launch a daily online news summary -based on your favorite interest or expertise -  one that can be viewed as an elegant magazine?

You  now can because of Twitter and a popular start-up paper.li.  Your "daily" can cover the current tweets of all the people you follow or  the stories you tweet with a certain hashtag or the tweets on one of your lists at Twitter.

In this way you are crowdsourcing others' latest tweets on the topic that matches your interest.  Naturally, since collaboration is one of my core interests, as you can see from this blog, I launched  The Collaboration Daily. Do tell me what topic you choose to cover in your daily.

Kare Anderson

Accomplishing greater things

with others than one can alone

Connective communication and collaboration are vital traits to staying relevant in this increasingly complex, connected world. This Emmy-winning former NBC and Wall Street Journal reporter was voted one of Top 5 speakers on Communication: http://speaking.com/top5/ Two of her blogs are featured on top of http://collaboration.alltop.com/ http://twitter.com/KareAnderson

http://listiki.com/best-list-of-collaborationrelated-sites-and-books/kareanderson

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Make Your Work an Opportunity Multiplier With and for Others

“I had a woman in Idaho tell me that her options for employment went from one job to hundreds because of her ability to work from home after receiving broadband,” said DigitalBridge founder, Kelley Dunne.

In partnership with others including Internet providers he offered online access to rural or otherwise “underserved areas of the country such as Native American reservations, rural communities and inner-city low-income housing.”

Dunne ‘s lifelong work path provides us with step-by-step insights on how to accomplish greater things with others and savor the friendships along the way.

Here are his steps that we can adapt to our work in our own way, even at a later stage in life:

1. Continuously deepen expertise in one single area that matters to you and matches your talents.

2. Practice working in teams, as a leader and a team player – especially self-organized teams – those not required by a “boss.” More important than leading in this increasingly connected and complex world, see how to become the Most Valuable (kind of) Player most needed in each situation.

Then you’ll stay sought-after for future opportunities on other teams. Morten Hansen calls thisT-shaped management yet anyone – even non-managers – can practice it.

3. Learn how to scale and/or replicate the projects on which you work.

4. Keep an eye out for problems to solve and opportunities to seize, where you can employ your deep expertise and befriend apt partners along the way, before you need them.

5. When that irresistible problem or opportunity presents itself be ready. To tackle it find the right partners who complement your talents (and no extra people) and who share a sweet spot of mutual interest with you to tackle that task.

Together get specific on your actionable goal to create a different service, product or organization and/or to serve a different niche better together than you could on your own.

In keeping with those steps, Dunne described what he has done, in a recent interview:

1.“As I started my career, I decided that if I was going to participate in society, I wanted to first do something to serve others. I joined the Army, where I was involved in rolling out some of the first digital wireless communication systems.”

2. “Being a lieutenant in the Army taught me accountability, leadership and teamwork.

I eventually joined a very small company that was delivering DSL technology to apartment communities across the country. We grew rapidly.”

3. “I brought vision, leadership and execution and the ability to build a scalable business. In 2000, when we sold it to Verizon, it became Verizon Avenue.”

4. “I began to see that as the world evolved more into a wireless one, we could create different business models to serve areas that were harder to reach.”

5. “I came up with a plan to do this and pitched it to Verizon. We applied new technologiesfor underserved areas of the country such as Native American reservations, rural communities and inner-city low-income housing.”

We worked in cooperation with other partners in the industry to help figure out how to serve different parts of the country.”

“I’ve always been an admirer of One Economy. I love the way they ran it like a business, created very collaborative public-private partnerships and focused on the holistic solution – not just access but content training and sustainability.

Here was an opportunity to bring wireless to underserved communities on a bigger scale with a very well-respected organization that has a long track record and is poised to do some fantastic things both domestically and globally.”

Next step for Dunne? He is now the excited new ceo of One Economy, eager to train and mentor more “Digital Connectors”to help low income people improve their lives, including by gaining access to computers and online resources.

Hint: Collaborating around a sweet spot of mutual interest often leads to dreaming bigger and opens new doors of opportunity and friendship. See more ideas here:

http://www.movingfrommetowe.com.

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