From Odd Places Pull in Fresh Adventures and Friendships

Five men are walking across the Golden Gate Bridge on an outing organized by their wives who are college friends. The women move ahead in animated conversation. One man describes the engineering involved in the bridge’s long suspension. Another points to the changing tide lines below. A third asked if they’ve heard of the new phone apps for walking tours. The fourth observes how refreshing it is to talk with people who aren’t lawyers like him.

Yes, we tend to notice the details that most relate to our work or our life experience.

It is also no surprise that we instinctively look for those who share our interests. This is especially true in times of increasing pressure and uncertainty. We have an understandable tendency in such times to seek out the familiar and comfortable as a buffer against the disruptive changes surrounding us. In so doing we can inadvertently put ourselves in a cage of similarity that narrows our peripheral vision of the world and our options.

The result? We can be blindsided by events and trends coming at us from directions we did not see.

The Big Sort author, Bill Bishop , provides a compelling view of population movements in the United States over the past several decades.  He shows that Americans are increasingly seeking out neighborhoods where people share them same political and cultural values, right down to the cars they drive and the movies they watch. We become more polarized when we hang out with others who act right – like us, often missing the pieces that could give us a more complete view of a situation.

Instead we become more certain we are right.

We are reducing our peripheral vision and creating what Jonathan Haidt calls a morecontentious culture. That’s a barrier to the most fruitful, satisfying kind of collaboration:  individuals sharing a sweet spot of mutual interest, leveraging value because they view the situation from different vantage points.

That where the richest, most unexpected camaraderie springs up as we experience different sides of our selves, responding to others who don’t always act right – like us.

Worse yet, to generate more value for advertisers, many of the sites we visit attempt to silo us around our similarities. They do this by tracking what we most watch and click on, to most visibly present more of the same kind of topics and people we seem to like. That discovery inspired Eli Pariser to write The Filter Bubble .

The more we see reinforcing evidence that we are right in our beliefs the more rigid we become in defending them. So found Going to Extremes author Cass Sunstein.

Here are five ways to keep honing your talents, growing, staying flexible and open to new ideas and pulling in comrades for fresh adventures.

1. We each have many facets to ourselves, found Rita Carter, author of Multiplicity.  Create more adventures in your unfolding life story by cultivating diverse friendships, matching more of your facets with others in ways that bring out the best temperament and talents in each other.  What a waste to let parts of yourself atrophy. That’s akin to not using all the features on a favorite product or experiencing other sides of your friends and colleagues.

2. With strangers — especially those who are different than your usual crowd – you can project a different part of your personality, discovered the authors ofConsequential Strangers, Melinda Blau and Karen L. Fingerman. As you act differently, so will others will respond differently, than usual to you, sometimes sparking unexpected turns to the conversation and your perspective on a situation.

3. Participate in organizations that feed your diverse passions and enable you to hone your strengths in them. Marci Albohor shared stories of individuals with “multiple professions and multiple identities can converge into a unified–and better–life” in her book, One Person/Multiple Careers, now re-released by her as an eBook.

4. If you are part of a large association, synagogue, civic group or special interest club, encourage the organization to support the creation of self-organized, special interest groups of no more than seven people, providing a few suggestions of they could operate. Provide a private-to-the-organization online community where groups can compare notes on what they are learning, ways to self-organize and offer and ask for help from other groups.

Such loosely affiliated small groups within a larger organization deepen a sense of belonging, help more people learn from diverse others and stay open to growing through that shared learning and collaboration.  That’s one way members of Rick Warren’s large Saddleback Church have maintained a close-knit feeling yet continue to grow in fresh ways, according to Malcolm Gladwell’s account of the cellular church. I’ve found that many of Mark Howell’s ideas for how churches thrive through fostering small groups can be adapted to other organizations.

Similarly the innovative outdoor gear company Gore-Tex has nimbly grown by using their version of self-organized teams of 150 or less within the larger corporation. In fact, they give grants to those who further their learning about that philosophy when adapted to outdoor adventure, traveling in compact groups of “close friends who had mutual respect and trust for one another.”

5.  Share an experience with a former foe in an unfamiliar situation. Because George W. Bush and Bill Clinton have quite different beliefs and temperaments, they probably learned more from each other during their joint visit to earthquake-stricken Haiti in 2010.  They could observe different ways of interacting with people as well as of collecting ideas about how to help the situation.

Leo Tolstoy wrote that, “Once we’ve thrown off our habitual paths, we think all is lost; but it’s only here that the new and the good begins.”  why not seek out opportunities to share an experience with others who have different talents, opinions and ways of operating in the world. I learn more and can hone other sides of myself I’d let slide because of getting stuck in a rut of habit. That’s one of the lessons from Jim Collins: “What often gets in the way of being great is being good at something.”

My goals are more modest, perhaps.

I’ll settle for the sometimes fractious yet often adventuresome times with people who, because they don’t act right like me, spark conversations and experiences where we can see ourselves and this wondrous life in fresh ways. And, yes, we sometimes accomplish something greater together than we can on our own, That makes life more satisfying and more meaningful. See more at http://www.sayitbetter.com/speak/ or follow Kare on Twitter @KareAnderson

Posted via email from Kare Anderson on Communicate to Connect

How to Take Care of Your Team So They Take Care of You

Joe Lee was sitting at a table, rapidly counting rain jackets in a small room somewhere above the sumptuous lobby of the Jamaican hotel where I was to speak at a corporate conference the next morning. I did not know who he was then, although he looked familiar. I was just told that the man in that room could tell me if there was a spare space for me to go on the rainforest tour arranged for conference attendees.

He looked up and smiled as I came in saying, “What can do for you?”  

I asked him and he replied, “You came in at the perfect time. I was just making sure we had enough jackets and one of our people just dropped by to tell me he was switching to another tour.”

“The task of leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there.” ~ John Buchanan

Only later that night at the opening mixer when I saw Joe walk in, listening to two people animatedly talking to him did I realize he was the same man I’d shaken hands in the receiving line outside the hotel when I arrived. He was the CEO of Darden Restaurants, the company hosting the conference for its top performing managers at Olive Garden and Red Lobster.

Here’s what happened. 

Rather than an estimated 30 minute taxi ride from the airport, through town and up the hill to the hotel, three of us had a muggy, noisy and fascinating two hour trip through one of the biggest local festivals of the year.  As I and the other attendees straggled in all day from the airport, in a remarkable show of respect the top management and all board members stood out in the heat, waiting for us.  They lined up to personally greet us. The last person I met in line was humble Joe Lee who had started working at Darden as a 19 year old.

“You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too.” ~ Sam Rayburn

Sadly it is not a common scene for me to see at the conferences at which I speak: the CEO personally going out of his way to see that his people are taken care of.

That’s probably why I observed something else that should be more common at such conferences.  During breaks attendees were surrounding Joe, eager to talk.  He actively listened rather than talking at them.  And the board members and officers were not standing off by themselves. Rather they sat at different tables and walked around to talk with various individuals throughout the day.

“You don’t lead by pointing and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case.” ~ Ken Kesey

That’s why I beamed when I opened the New York Times this Sunday and saw one of those Darden officers staring back at me, Clarence Otis Jr., then CFO, mentored by Joe and now the company’s CEO.

In this newspaper interview Clarence described how Joe’s inclusive leadership style has influenced his.

“You can judge a leader by the size of the problem he tackles. Others cope with the waves, it’s his job to watch the tide.” ~Antony Jay

Reflecting a Me2We leadership mindset, here’s some nuggets from Clarence’s interview:

• First Care or Your Team

“On Sept. 11, 2001, after it became clear what had happened, we had an all-employee meeting, and Joe started to talk. One of the first things he said was, ‘we are trying to understand where all our people are who are traveling.’

The second thing he said was: ‘We’ve got a lot of Muslim teammates, managers in our restaurants, employees in our restaurants, who are going to be under a lot of stress during this period. And so, we need to make sure we’re attentive to that.’

And that was pretty powerful. Of all the things you could focus on that morning, he thought about the people who were on the road and then our Muslim colleagues.”

• You’ll Do Well if the Teams You Create Do

When asked how his leadership style has changed over time, he responded, “It’s less and less about getting the work done and more and more about building the team — getting the right people in place who have the talent and capability to get the work done and letting them do it.

• Associate With People Who Perform Well in Unclear Situations

Being comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty is a trait I look for… they’ve got their wits about them, so they’re looking as much for the opportunity that’s inherent in that as they are for the risk.

“Leadership is the ability to establish standards and manage a creative climate where people are self-motivated toward the mastery of long term constructive goals, in a participatory environment of mutual respect, compatible with personal values.” ~ Mike Vance

In a weak economy organizations must optimize performance of everyone. Clarence’s approach reflects the most efficient way to accomplish that – evoking the ensemble style he learned from acting where everyone knows they are a valued part of a team. 

They get in sync with each other.

They look to each other’s needs just as Joe did by counting rain jackets for his people. 

Accomplishing greater things 

T O G E T H E R

Kare Anderson

415.331.6336 ~ Kare@SayitBetter.com

Talk on Twitter? @kareanderson

http://www.sayitbetter.com/speak

http://www.movingfrommetowe.com

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Posted via email from Kare Anderson on Communicate to Connect

Craft an Attention-Grabbing Message

I am gratified by the 249 comments to this post I wrote for Harvard Business Review and seek your specific tips on quotability, the first step to connecting in this increasingly complex, information-flooded, and connected world:

You can feel the tension in the compressed smiles, quick nods and pointed questions at the annual Morgan Stanley Global Healthcare conference. Schedules are packed as the high-stakes finance crowd gathers to hear 20-minute rapid-fire talks by CEOs of start-ups and public companies who seek funding or favorable stock analysts’ reports.

Presenters speak fast, using complex medical and financial terms.

In contrast, my client, the CEO of a new biotech company walks on stage, rolls up his shirt sleeve, and stops at the center of the stage. As he turns to the audience, he pauses briefly to smile. He raises his bare forearm, pointing at a patch. “When patients put on our medical patch they will feel the pain-relieving effects faster than the latest Porsche can go from zero to 90.”

By linking the speed of the medication’s effect to a Porsche’s acceleration, he evoked the “Compared to what?” conversational cue. We are wired to draw connections between things, even where there aren’t any.

This makes the world seem more understandable, familiar, even safe.

If your “Compared to what?” connection grabs people’s attention, you have set the context in which people will view it and decide upon it, just as a general chooses terrain favorable to winning a battle.

Here are some examples of different ways to craft such a message:

Use a familiar slogan in a fresh way: After a company has spent millions to make a slogan familiar, skew it in a new direction for your intended meaning. Piggybacking on the famous “Got milk?” slogan, the Redwood Hospital in Northern California launched a billboard campaign to seek blood donations with this appeal: “Got blood?”

My friend, Paul Geffner, once owned a chicken take-out joint in San Francisco called Poultry in Motion.

Startle with specifics: “Ten times as much funding is devoted to research on the prevention of male baldness as malaria, a disease that kills more than 1 million people each year,” said Bill Gates on the need for creative capitalism to serve more people.

And venture capitalist John Doerr, who has invested in green technology, likes to say, “We can bail out the economy — we cannot bail out the environment.”

In a TV commercial for outdoor gear maker REI, we see the backs of two women who are sitting atop a peak, taking in the scenery at night, when the announcer intones, “October 28th. Jenny Kruger finds out that even the finest four-star restaurant is no match for one with 4 million stars.”

Add a dash of dry humor: A Cuban, after apologizing because he could not offer his guests anything to eat, explained the consequences of Castro’s Revolution: “The three successes were education, healthcare and sports. Three failures were breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

Now, more than ever, your capacity to create indelible messages is vital. More than money, smarts, social standing, or attractiveness, in this increasingly complex yet connected world, being most frequently quoted can keep you or your brand top-of-mind.

Whoever most vividly characterizes a situation determines how others see it, talk about it, and act on it.

When asked how he managed to write such gripping horror novels, Stephen King once responded, “I cut out the boring stuff,” and so can you. As a journalist, I slogged through more interviews than I care to recall, in which smart newsmakers would often drown in their own generalizations and jargon, despite being desperate to make a point across.

Don’t make that mistake.

The stories that grab us are those with the most vividly apt illustrations.

Interestingness, like a cork, always bobs up to the top of our attention. 

http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/12/craft_an_attention-grabbing_me.html

Bring Kare to speak about quotability and connective communication cues to bring out the best side in others and become higher performing and happier -- with others:

http://www.sayitbetter.com/speak/

Accomplishing greater things 

T O G E T H E R

Kare Anderson

Say it Better Center, LLC

415.331.6336 ~ Kare@SayitBetter.com

Talk on Twitter? @kareanderson

http://www.sayitbetter.com/speak

http://www.movingfrommetowe.com

Posted via email from Kare Anderson on Communicate to Connect